The Heartfelt Story of Michele O’Brien

CHICAGO – There is something you should know about new DePaul women's soccer coach Michele O'Brien that defines a spirit and a soul undaunted by life's most harrowing challenges.

O'Brien was an uncommonly gifted child who took up soccer at the age of three with the kind of speed, coordination, high-motor and skill set well beyond other children.

During a routine exam for strep throat at the age of four, a pediatrician detected a heart murmur and referred Michele's parents Margaret and Michael to a cardiologist.

Their little girl was diagnosed with a rare congenital heart defect called coronary arterial fistula after being born with an extra artery that altered normal blood flow.

The solution was open-heart surgery.

Margaret O'Brien said in a story on the WYSK website: "I went numb. I could hear the doctor's voice, but his words were running together and I felt as if I was on the outside looking in.

"My thoughts were focused on the chance I may lose my child who I love more than life itself. My heart ached, and the fear was overwhelming."

By the grace of God who blesses seriously ill children with a courage borne of pure innocence, little Michele underwent a successful operation at The Heart Center of St. Francis Hospital on Long Island, N.Y. and her vital organ grew stronger with each passing year.

In the fall of 1994, freshman soccer prodigy O'Brien led St. Anthony's of Huntington, N.Y. to the state high school soccer championship. She also excelled on the school's basketball and badminton teams.

After a strenuous game of floor hockey during a gym class in March, O'Brien experienced severe pain in her left arm and back. She could not lift her arms.

Margaret O'Brien brought her daughter back to St. Francis where blood work revealed she had suffered a heart attack. An angiogram disclosed that the closure from the heart surgery 10 years earlier had come undone resulting in a pool of blood in her heart. Blood clots developed and the heart attack soon followed.

That was just the tip of the iceberg. Doctors discovered that Michele's case was literally one of a kind. No previous documented cases or any mention in medical journals. They consulted with cardiologists worldwide, desperately seeking a plan of action.

The temporary fix was a medication called Coumadin to prevent further clotting. But any chance of returning to a normal, active life mandated another open-heart surgery.

"I thought I was in a movie, watching someone else's life unfold in front of me," Margaret O'Brien told WYSK. "The fear, anxiety and the possibility of her not surviving were more than any mother could imagine. It's hard for me to even put it into words. All I could do was pray and wish that it was me instead of her."

A second open-heart surgery in 10 years was performed on May 24, 1995---a seven-hour ordeal.

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"My memories of my surgery from when I was four years old are limited," Michele said. "Most of the memories I have are stories my parents shared with me.

"I do remember very clearly one day being in the hospital and waking up from a nap after my surgery and my mom was not there. She told the nurse she was going to grab a cup of coffee and she'd be back in 15 minutes. That feeling of my mom being away from me for just a short time sticks with me.

"She was my rock. She stayed with me all day and all night in the hospital for the 10 days that I was there and never left except on that one occasion. My dad (Michael) would visit after work and neighbors and friends helped out with my older sister Tara who was six at the time."

Her memories of the second surgery are crystal-clear.

"I can remember it all," Michele said. "I remember the day I was in gym class in ninth grade and I can still remember the feeling of the heart attack, although I didn't know what it was at the time. It was a backache and overall aching fatigue that I had never felt before. No pain in the chest at all.

"This happened in March, and the surgery was not until May. The doctors spent those two months meticulously researching what they would need to do. This specific surgery had never been performed before.

"The team of doctors at St. Francis Hospital went to medical books from around the world to learn as much as they could. During that two-month period, I was on strict bed rest and on a blood thinner called Coumadin. Finally on May 24, 1994 they performed a seven-hour surgery which went as well as they could have imagined. The long road to recovery was now beginning."

It was no way for a Long Island teenager to live out what's supposed to be some of the most fun and carefree years of your life.

But this lucky teen had an absolutely amazing support group.

"My mom is the ultimate 'Mama Bear!'" Michele said. "She's the kind of mom where you don't mess with her kids (and now grandkids). She is a protector and will put her kids before anything else. But at the same time, she was tough on us and didn't let us get away with too much growing up.

"My dad worked hard to provide for our family. We are from Long Island and he worked in downtown Manhattan, so he would ride the Long Island Railroad into Penn Station and catch the subway downtown. He did this every day, five days a week for pretty much his whole life. He'd leave work earlier the days my sister and I had big games so he could watch us and was at every game on the weekends.

"Seeing my dad come into the hospital to visit me is always a feeling that I'll remember. There is nothing like having your dad show up. I'm a daddy's girl, so that was always so special. He'd usually find a way to make a joke or something to lighten the mood. He'd walk down to the cafeteria in the hospital to bring me up a big ice cream or some type of treat.

"My sister Tara is two years older than me. We were very close growing up and still are to this day. We both were very athletic so most of our days were filled with playing sports all day in our backyard and swimming pool.

"You name it, we played it. We were competitive in a healthy way, but she always supported me and we were never jealous of each other's accomplishments. She was also my protector. I often played soccer in her age group, two years up, so she'd look after me and make sure I was okay.

"They all helped me endure the toughest moments of my life by just supporting me. Being by my side at the hospital on multiple occasions, taking me to doctors' appointments, cardiac rehabilitation sessions and really allowing me to push myself and not try to stop me. They were protective in a healthy way, but not overbearing."

It's a good thing because that competitive, burning passion smoldering within Michele O'Brien to reach her athletic potential seemed to consume her as one healthy day followed another. Erring on the side of caution, doctors restricted her physical activity. With such an unprecedented medical quandary, they prescribed a sedentary lifestyle.

O'Brien was charting a different path to recovery.

"Sports and an active lifestyle were such a huge part of my childhood that I couldn't imagine anything else," she said. "The summer right after my surgery, my mom went back to work part-time and my dad was at work. My sister was working a summer job, but when she wasn't at work we'd 'sneak' activities even though I was supposed to be on bed rest.

"My best friend Jodi, who if you know me well, you know her too, would also come over every day to join us. I had a basketball hoop outside my house so we started out just shooting hoops, thinking 'how strenuous could this be?' And we quickly put the balls away before my mom came home. That led to some light rollerblading, pretty much thinking the same thing, that it couldn't be too bad."

(Note to Blue Demon women's soccer players: Don't even think about pulling a fast one on your new coach. She's been there, done that).

"We'd walk and hop the fence down my street to get to the stores, really to buy nothing, just to go on adventures," O'Brien continued. "Throughout that summer I pushed the boundaries and limits a little further each week. Then I started to jog. I was basically running a 12-minute mile at a snail's pace, but it was great to just be doing something despite what the doctor had recommended."

There would come a time of reckoning for her somewhat reckless behavior, or so she thought.

"When I went back for a midsummer checkup, the doctors were amazed at my progress and the strength of my heart," O'Brien said. "I did tell them what I had been doing, and they agreed that sedentary was not the way to go with a 14-year old who had a heart attack. I needed to be active and as normal as possible.

"I then started a cardiac rehabilitation program in September at the hospital. It was me and everyone else over the age of 55. The nurses there were great and treated me in such a thoughtful way, knowing that I was different from everyone else and that it was an unusual situation to have someone my age at this center.

"That winter, the doctors cleared me to go skiing and snowboarding, which was really exciting for me. As things continued to stay positive, they cleared me to play high school badminton the spring of my sophomore year. They were still not on board with soccer and basketball, as they thought the intensity and strain would be too much on my heart."

This natural athlete teamed with good friend Mary O'Rourke in badminton doubles and they advanced to the state finals with O'Brien savoring every moment of once again being part of a team.

That summer, doctors finally gave her the thumbs-up for a return to the pitch as a junior. O'Brien missed out on one last chance to play with Tara who had graduated, but the feeling of competing with teammates was simply amazing.

She would go on to become a two-time Sun Belt Conference Player of the Year playing soccer at Florida International University and then an international standout helping lead Ireland's National Team to the European Championships.

O'Brien also played seven seasons in the United Soccer League's W-League and played with the United Kingdom for the Arsenal Ladies Football Club. Arsenal, the most successful team in the U.K., competed in world-class events such as the European Cup and FA Cup.

She played for the Long Island Rough Riders and with the New Jersey Sky Blue in the USL before retiring from competitive soccer in 2012.

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O'Brien said it took her all of five seconds to say yes when DePaul athletics director DeWayne Peevy offered her the job vacated by her close friend Erin Chastain who became the head coach at her alma mater, Minnesota.

"I was so excited, went home and talked to my husband Blair (Banwart) and he was so excited for me," O'Brien said. "I FaceTimed my parents who were really proud of me. Then I talked to my sister who was pumped. We went on a family walk with our two kids and then celebrated out on our Wrigleyville back deck with our neighbors and ate sushi and pizza.

"There are so many reasons I've stayed at DePaul these past 12 years. I absolutely love DePaul, love the values and mission of DePaul and the high-character student athletes that DePaul attracts. Everyone that I've worked with over the past 12 years in the athletic department have been amazing people with such a great environment to come to every day. I've loved our women's soccer staff, and the players on the team make it so enjoyable."

After five years as an assistant coach and seven as associate head coach, other schools had shown an interest. But each time the possibility arose, her heart brought her back to Lincoln Park.

What kind of coach will she be? Rachel Pitman has the unique perspective of being recruited by O'Brien, playing for her, coaching alongside her and even sharing an office.

"I remember how daunting it felt when I first arrived in Chicago from England and how much of a change it was as a player in my first year at DePaul," Pitman said. "The transition in style of play from England to America was more than I ever imagined, but Michele could relate because she had played internationally which really allowed me to settle in. I know without Michele, I would've struggled.

"She understood that I wasn't going to be at my best right away because I had to adjust and gave me the time and confidence to flourish as a player. Michele's greatest asset as a coach is her ability to connect with her players. She is really good at knowing how a player is feeling and how she can get the best out of them.

"I always tell her that she's never wrong," Pitman continued with a smile. "She is a very detail-orientated coach, so the level of knowledge that you gain as a player is huge. She helps you really understand the details which takes your game to the next level."

Blue Demon assistant coach Pitman knows the coaching staff will continue to uncover talent all over the country and also overseas.

"I first met Michele while she was recruiting (ex-Blue Demon star) Ashleigh Goddard in England," Pitman said. "I was unfortunately injured at the time, so I had a chance to sit with her while she was watching Ash train. It was such an easy conversation, which intrigued me as a player. She was light-hearted and made me laugh, but she was also very passionate about DePaul and made me want to know more.

"Until that moment, I hadn't really thought about going to the U.S. But my conversation with Michele opened my eyes to a new opportunity. The following year, Ash told me how much she was loving DePaul, so Michele and I had several conversations as I decided that I no longer wanted to study in England and would pursue other opportunities in the U.S.

"Michele ended up coming to my house in Bristol to meet with me and my parents---and of course had a cheeky cup of tea. She sold me the dream, and it turned out to be exactly that. DePaul was everything I could've imagined.

"My experience playing at DePaul was four of the best years of my life, and I owe so much of it to Michele, Erin and Tina (former assistant coach Tina Estrada). They really created a program that was difficult to beat. I loved being part of a tough team and knowing that every opponent that came to play us knew it wasn't going to be a walk in the park."

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An O'Brien-coached side will be heavy on discipline, focus and relentlessness. Watch for a playing style featuring a balance of possession and building from the back and goalkeeper combined with a fast-paced, gritty, ruthless attitude in the attacking third of the field.

Players will adhere strictly to field instructions keeping the team shape along with being organized and knowing your role as a player. Playing for O'Brien encompasses being disciplined with preparation and recovery, taking care of your body, accounting for equipment, putting things back where you found them, matching gear, being on time, prioritizing academics and more.

"We've built a great culture over the past 12 years and nothing about that will change," O'Brien said. "Erin and I always agreed on recruiting soccer players with high character and that will remain the same. The on-field, blue-collar mentality that defined DePaul women's soccer will always be a staple of the program. I will always foster an environment that is inclusive and diverse, like we have always done.

"There are certain aspects of the style of the game we play that I will change for sure. I am looking forward to preseason to see how the newcomers fit in and what our identity will be for the 2021 season, what formation and style will suit us best and getting to work piecing it all together."

What O'Brien learned from her predecessor was basing the soccer program on a culture of honesty, even if it sometimes means a tough-love attitude. Getting to know a player as a complete person laid the foundation for a mutual trust.

"Having a genuine care for the players as whole people was so important to both of us," O'Brien said. "We were so fortunate to not only be colleagues, but great friends as well. When we weren't talking about soccer or our team, we were talking about life, our kids and whatever else in between.

"We had and will always have a special relationship. I believe that relationship was always evident to the players which made for a great environment. They knew we cared about each other and were colleagues as well as friends. We both have a tremendous amount of respect for each other, and she trusted me, and I felt that. That is so important for a coaching staff."

That was the formula for perhaps the greatest season in the annals of Blue Demon women's soccer when Chastain and O'Brien led their side to an all-time best 16-1-4 overall record in 2014 that was the fifth-best winning percentage in the country. DePaul set a school record with a 20-game undefeated streak, and by the end of the regular season was one of only two programs (No. 1 UCLA) to remain unbeaten. The Blue Demons attained their highest national ranking when Soccer America ranked them at No. 7.

Powered by seven All-BIG EAST performers including BIG EAST Rookie of the Year Alexa Ben and first-team choices Pitman and Elise Wyatt along with All-BIG EAST Tournament selections (current Chicago Red Stars standout) Sarah Gorden, Alex Godinez and Amber Paul, DePaul won its first BIG EAST regular-season and conference titles and advanced to its second-straight NCAA tournament.

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There's a good reason why O'Brien rarely seems flustered and can often be the epitome of grace under pressure.

After you've come through such a hellacious childhood and confronted just about the worst life has to offer, you have a perspective unlike any other.

It's as if that very same heart that was operated on twice now has twice the capacity when it comes to both enduring hardship and caring about other people.

"My childhood and health issues definitely shape the person I am today, without a doubt," O'Brien said. "When you are faced with such trauma at a young age, it stays with you. I was forced to grow up quicker than anyone probably should. Grow up in the sense of being so in tuned with what is going on and wise beyond my years.

"I was different from other four-year-olds because of my experience. Having to face what I did as a young teenager was tough, but it made me so resilient. I had to work hard and defy the odds for what I wanted.

"I need to live life to the fullest, and for me that means taking care of my body and exercising daily because essentially, that is what gave me a second chance."

Once you've gone where O'Brien has been, you no longer sweat the small stuff.

"It has made me stress in a healthy way because it means that I care and want to be my very best in life," she said. "I really try to just be open-minded and let a lot of things go that really are simply not worth getting worked up about.

"I love adventures and being outside as much as possible, and believe that hard work, smart work and determination really does pay off. I'd say I am pretty simple and don't need a lot to be happy. I love spending time with my husband and kids, seeing my parents, my sister's family and my niece and nephew. I really enjoy as much time as possible with my family and in-laws.

"As a coach, I want to lead by example and allow my personality to really come through. I want the players to know and understand I am who I am because of my past, which has truly shaped the person I am today."

There is one last detail O'Brien would like us to know.

"I still visit my cardiologist from when I was 14 in New York every year or two for a checkup," she said. "I am now 41 and still have the same doctor! He was in the operating room during my surgery when I was 14. The same surgeon did both of my surgeries, and my surgeon is now retired---but he is a patient of my cardiologist, which is pretty cool. I just saw him in March, and my surgeon still asks about me and calls me an 'outlier,' because I really don't fit into any particular category."

Yes indeed Michele O'Brien---you truly are one of a kind.

DePaul University Athletics

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